Today dawned bright and sunny with the whisper of summer around the corner. Paul’s been asking about our herb garden we planted last year and everything is bursting forth. Big sprigs of giant parsley, spicy cress leaves and baby mint, the bay tree has reached gigantic proportions and the chives are incubating their purple flowers. I looked out of Cassidy’s bedroom window this morning and imagined seeing Paul, stripped to the waist, digging up potatoes or mowing the lawn or scrubbing the barbeque ready for a feast, sipping on a beer and playing football with Cass. As the garden starts to become a place we can play in again, it reminds me of how much I miss him and also of how much we have to look forward to. I lay in his hospital bed with him yesterday and we talked about all manner of things as if we were on the sofa at home. He has big plans for the shed in his convalescence – he wants to pull it down and put up a greenhouse and small potting shed in it’s place. I love the fact he is setting plans for the summer and I would not put it past Paul to be ready and fit for pushing a mower by then – such is his incredible stamina and self healing power.
He started the new chemo last Thurs evening, It’s called IVAX I think. We won’t know much in terms of it’s effects for a week or so but so far he doesn’t feel too rotten. He was worried that this was a sign it wasn’t working (no pain no gain or something) but he has been reassured that his lack of nausea doesn’t mean it ineffective. He’s been moved to a great room with a south facing view – you know the kind that makes you love London so much. It’s got the Houses of Parliament, the ‘Gherkin’, the ‘Wheel’, St Paul’s etc It’s quite big as well ad has a little sofa so it’s quite comfortable.
The consultant was in last Fri and he was more positive than he has been. Paul thinks they feed a bit off his own positive attitude and the most solemn Doc has lightened up considerably. Why he couldn’t have been more cheery from the start I don’t know, but I suppose they like to keep you on your toes…….Anyway they said that even if this Chemo doesn’t work there are other options. Paul asked about trials of new drugs which they said they would look into and they will be taking blood from both sisters in case they need to do a bone marrow transplant. But it’s very much – see how this round goes and make the decisions then.
He’ll be neutropenic from tomorrow so I’m going to do a PJ and food drop, then I won’t go in till his White Cell count is up again, which could take up to 2 weeks. It’s going to be very tough not seeing him for such a long time, but it’s for the best as it’s not worth the risk of giving him an infection just for a sneaky peek. There will be plenty of time for kissin’ and stuff when he gets better…….
It was an up and down week last week and I hope this one brings more stability emotion wise. I even broke my gambling fast and bought a scratch card in an act of almost pointless defiance. I actually won something for the first time - £6.00! I was pleased till I noticed that my win entailed finding a 6 and a 6 and a 6 and then I just freaked out about the devil nature of the money. Then I thought it must be a sign that I should really not be doing scratch cards at all and decided to give the card to the down and out that I usually see outside Leytonstone tube but he wasn’t there and there were no other beggars to choose from so I’m still walking around with jinxed money in my back pocket. What should I do with it? I thought about cashing it in and donating it to Macmillan but then I thought it might jinx the whole charity….help what should I do? I am honestly not normally this superstitious…….
Yawn – I’m up late again – but it’s the Easter hols so I have no uniforms to iron or packed lunches to make and you can officially give your kids cake for breakfast during holidays so all is good……..
P.S Aren't lambs born in spring?.........Do you think I want to, quite literally, consume the very essence of rebirth or something? I think my lamb consumption obssession has many levels - any one want to drink a bottle of red wine with me and discuss?