Thursday, 5 November 2009


The day dawned with grey light and dread in my heart. If I hadn’t escaped the house then I might have gone mad.

I have to say "Goodbye"; I have to say "Goodbye".

I meant to have a glass of Dutch courage but I forgot. There were family and friends and mostly I wandered around looking for things I had dropped and needed and seemed really important but actually weren’t. Then the car came. The one with the box and the flowers I didn’t want; because blooms should be cheerful not gloomy. I told Cassidy the box with the shell inside was here and he slid down the banister in one go and jumped down the path and told me the flowers were pretty and suddenly they weren’t so gloomy after all.

I have to say "Goodbye"; I have to say "Goodbye".

We drove and we arrived and although I knew there would be people waiting, my heart flipped when I saw the flowing sea of faces. Eyes and lips moved but I kept white noise close and the sound of Cassidy and Kitty closer. Going in was hard. Seeing him arrive was strangely easy.

I have to say "Goodbye"; I have to say "Goodbye".

The words were heartfelt and love sent, I tried hard not to listen sometimes but the true ones burst through despite my efforts and they will stay with me. I heard no tears and I was grateful. The curtains closed because that’s what they do and it’s supposed to be poignant but seemed pointless. Keep them open, let’s linger, let me walk away.

I whispered “Goodbye”, I whispered “Goodbye”

The pub, his people, they came and drank and talked and I danced. It’s a blur to be truthful, a wonderful whiskey blur of stories and laughter. Old faces I’ve met and some I haven’t but know now. Family in arms and friends weeping happy tears. What a crack, what a wake, what a joy to celebrate.

I said “Goodbye”, I said “Goodbye”.

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