Monday, 26 October 2009

From Paul..........

Well folks, by the time you read this I’ll be either having a beer or orange juice with Jesus, Ganesh, Allah, Ron L Hubbard, Buddah or a wealth of others we have never thought of. I prefer to think that the laws of physics state that energy cannot be destroyed – it can only change form. So if I can help your home grown veg grow that extra tomato, or help a pretty flower grow or give you the strength to stumble home those extra few yards on a battered Friday night, then job done…

The question is one of consciousness and if there is one of some sorts, you can all be sure you’ll all be a very big part of mine still. The disease was the disease, it just does what it does, but the amazing thing about it all is the positivity that I have seen, felt and heard it generate. It’s brought people out of the woodwork, that for too long we find ourselves too immersed in the here and now of jobs and kids and London and any old excuse for not being in touch with and puts you in contact without it being through sympathy or fear but through love and sharing of joyous things.

I think everyone stopped at some point and thought of the things that make life good, and that is what it’s all about. It’s all about family and friends and love and happiness. The love and support that we have experienced thought this has been beyond words, but not always tears.

If ‘God is love’ which is what they all say, then I have God in my life with the people I have around and about me. I have no regrets in life (with the obvious exception of the terminal disease). I had a brilliant time and loved it. I was lucky enough to meet my soul mate and share a part of my time here with the two most amazing kids ever. The people, the upbringing, the drink, the travel, the family, the beauty, the ugliness, the times and places, the list is endless. The little things and the laughs, but it’s always about the people, and you’ve been my people and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you have given me.

I’ve written something else for Hannah and the kids because as I write this it’s without fear, but when I think of them it’s still sadness or rather my heart bursting with love for them that’s the emotion. And to be honest this little splurge is for you lot.

So there you have it. Be happy, and if it doesn’t make you happy don’t do it. I love you all, really really,

No you don’t, there is more…………………

There are too many individual moments with too many individuals that I just don’t have the time to share. So think of when we have laughed together, or cried together, or danced all night, or barked at the moon, or watched the sun come up, or randomness galore. And they are probably the same ones I’m smiling about. But I might just have to mention a couple –

Lisa – flying saucers over Goa

Wendy and Steve fight – to be told on arrival at the flask of having a steak tartar and tuna salad order.

Thomas Foley’s Sunburn the first day I met him at ‘Blues’ after his charity walk to Brighton. With no hat or suncream.

Ali – Lady Di’s funeral.

Too many, too many, never enough. Without everyone’s chanting, praying, thoughts and best wishes and without the financial and emotional support that you have all provided, I can’t begin to think what the last 10 months would have been like. With everyone’s love and support I’ve had the best chance to fight this thing and win a few battles along the way and concentrate on the things that matter. For this, there are no words big enough, but two little ones are all I have – Thank you.

I have just to thank Noah for my mustard seeds blessed by the Dalai Lama, they are, without doubt, the most auspicious thing I have ever consumed.

And that really, really is that.

I love you all forever.


1 comment:

  1. I just had the privilege of reading this letter. Thank you Tamara for allowing me this experience. These words I will pass along and share to friends and family. Beautiful is the path and life experienced and led by Paul. My heart and thoughts go out to a family and friends who I have never met. May you all find peace in his passing. Brian Supler, Pittsburgh Pennsylvania