Sunday, 17 May 2009

love and stuff

What a wretched hole is left when a dreamboat sails away…….I have had a house full of Scotsman and laughter and suddenly things are quiet again. Annoyingly, the very act of him coming home for the weekend has just highlighted all the things I miss so fucking terribly. ……

The deep reverberation of his voice that you can hear from any part of the house, the way he blows his nose like a foghorn, the pants and socks and sundries strewn across the floor, the magic cup of tea that appears on the bedside table, the wine glass that mysteriously fills itself, the pure happiness in my children’s faces.

There are some things that are unquantifiable in a relationship, you know, the stuff about why you love one person and not the next. Why does your heart and body and mind feast on one and not the other? How come you can feel air, the atmosphere change when that person walks in a room? How do you explain the gravitational pull of two people in love? The (sometimes irrational) need to be with that person and that person only? I don’t know, I don’t know. But what I do know is that by taking this away from me I am more desperately in love than ever. I have always been besotted with Paul but now I am bordering psychotic!

I guess the cancer bastard has its uses in that it makes you appreciate what is front of your face. Anyway……Paul is off back to UCH for another round of chemo that will start tomorrow or Tues. It’s a 21 day cycle again so if all goes well he might be able to come home for a week or so again…..

Will keep you posted xxxxx

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