Monday, 16 March 2009

Rollercoasters, mustard seeds and Mr T.

It’s been a strange few days with about as many ups and downs as there could be, squeezed into them. Things are relatively stable at present. He had another Tracheotomy done on Friday, which bought with it a few problems as there seemed to be some kind of blockage and he struggled for breath a few times but that’s been sorted out. He’s been bought out of the sedation now almost entirely and only being put under at night so he can sleep. He was utterly exhausted to day as Intensive care is just not conducive to rest and relaxation with all the machines beeping and general activity around him, doctors coming and going, blood to take , medicines to administer, alarms going off and ventilators hissing – like trying to take a nap in the concourse at Liverpool Street station.. But the upshot is that, although he may not be feeling brilliant, he is improving. There is still a lot of gunk on his chest but it’s slowly coming up. One of the physiotherapists was helping him cough stuff up today and she sort of jiggled his chest – really rudimentary stuff but clearly effective and I suppose the human version of the Oscillator – Ha see we don’t need Oscar at all!

As far a the Chemo goes his glands are still smaller and in some places imperceptible and his White blood cells have started to go up again. The Chemo kills the cells – cancerous ones and healthy ones and it’s up to Paul’s body to generate fresh ones which he seems to be doing, so things are moving in the right direction. I suppose the pressing thing is his lungs and him being able to support himself so that he can get back up to the Haematology ward where things are calmer….I make it sound like the simplest thing in the world but I suppose to Paul the distance between the 3rd and the 13th floor must feel infinitely greater than 10 flights of stairs.

Still we had a wonderful injection of positive energy on Saturday from Tanya. Her children go to the Dharma school in Brighton which is a Buddhist school. Her son Noah has chanted furiously in the past for Paul and last week they were paid a visit from some eminent monks, one of which had never stepped foot out of Thailand. He bought with him some mustard seeds that have been blessed with good health and long life not only by him but he had also walked 40 miles to have then blessed by the Dalai Lama! There was a meeting between the monks to decide who should be given the seeds and they decided – yes you can guess – that Paul should be the worthy recipient. How utterly cool is that? I told Paul and I have not seen his eyes light up and face crease with such happiness in a long time. Paul has to eat these seeds apparently – I have to find out if I can cook them or if that will destroy the goodness – not that I should imagine cooking magic Buddhist dust is like boiling alcohol or something – but would hate to risk it.

Moving on from Buddhists to the A-Team, I also found out recently that BA Barracus has fought a rare and aggressive form of Lymphoma as well. It took him 6 years but he did it. Paul was tickled by this as well.

Well I hope you are all harvesting the sunshine and turning it into positive vibes. Cass and Kits and I sat on the doorstep yesterday soaking up the warmth and Cassidy asked me “When I’m a grown up, will Paul still be in hospital?” to which I said “no, he’ll be home soon”. But it made me realise that his idea of time and how long daddy has been away must feel like forever and when I think about it, it seems like an age to me as well. Autumn was waning when he got sick, winter came, Christmas passed and January sloped by, snow fell, crocuses bloomed and died and now spring is so close we can smell it and there was even a hint of summer in the warm rays yesterday…….Lets just hope the cancer passes as quickly as the seasons…….

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